A Birthday in the Akatsuki
by Yaoi-chan4
Summary: This story is a birthday present to my older sister. Three OC girls are living with the Akatsuki. What happens when two of them rope the Akatsuki into throwing a surprise party for the third?
1. Hit 'em Right Between the Eyes'

It was a beautiful day. The sun glowed softly from behind a curtain of clouds, the birds sang to anyone who would listen, and the sky shone brilliantly.

Charlie hated it.

It was February first, four days before her fourteenth birthday, and there was not a single snowflake to be seen in the entirety of the land surrounding the Akatsuki base. Was a lick of snow too much for a girl to ask for?

Apparently it was.

She sat on the roof of said hideout. Barely a week ago the girl had discovered the perfect place to sit and ponder her place in the universe. Also known as hiding from Molly.

"Charlotte Misso, if you do not get in here and pick up your third of the room _this instant_ I will kick your adorable behind into next week!"

Speak of the devil… And what was _with_ her obsession with Charlie's rear… counterparts…

Charlie sighed and began to crawl, taking great care to drag and drudge about as much as possible, towards the window that allowed her back inside. This was her favorite place to be. She could be high enough up so as to feel the biting winds in her face whipping her blonde hair into her eyes with a sting, without having to see the ground below her.

Charlie shivered at the thought. Molly and Jessica always laughed at the girl for her 'irrational' fear. But, being that high up was just… _Wrong._ So were spiders. But that was a different story.

As the girl slid less than gracefully in through the window, she caught sight of Hidan on the training grounds swinging his scythe around with an attitude fit to kill, not that _that_ was anything new, he was always pissed about _something_. She'd ask about that later. Bare feet thudding pleasantly on the carpet, Charlie sang softly to herself under her breath as she skipped merrily to what was sure to be another violently familiar lecture from Molly on keeping her third of the room tidy.

"_So dance, fucker, dance! He never had a chance, and no one even knew it was really only you. And now you steal away, take him out today. Nice work you did, you're gonna go far kid! With a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right be—"_

Charlie's melodic singing was abruptly halted as she was nailed between the eyes with a vacuum cleaner.

The irony was painful.


	2. You Can't Make Me Clean!

Charlie came to, only to notice a more than slightly moldy pizza in her face. She sniffed twice. Yep, that was definitely the pizza she had ordered exactly three and a half weeks ago. Pepperoni on white, good shit. Wrinkling her nose at the horrific stench, she attempted to rise from her prone position, only to be forced back down by a booted foot on her back.

_Shit, Molly…_

"Oh, no. Nuh-uh. Sorry, sweetie, but your aren't going _anywhere _until your third of the room is tidy. Can you agree to that, hun? Because, if you can't, I have several friends of mine who would just _love_ to get their hands on you…" Molly trailed off, but gave poor Charlie's ass a squeeze for good measure, and gaining her the muffled sound of screamed expletives through the pizza.

Now, Molly was no Hidan or Kakuzu or Pein. She wasn't some masochist who got off on causing pain, she was a thousand times worse.

Molly was a hentai, and she had taken a liking to Charlie's butt, and that terrified Charlie more than anything else.

"Mmmmmpf! Gbtf thg fjkg mff ss!" Squealed the horizontal girl.

"Oh? I'm sorry, sweetie, am I blocking your air? What was it you were trying to say?" The sickly sweet tones Molly used held an underlying threat. _Fuck with me and bad things will happen._

As Charlie was about to attempt another try at communication, an audible sigh came from a corner of the room. "Molly, let Charlie up. She'll clean her side of the room. The two of you are disturbing my reading."

"Jessica…" whined Molly, "you're no fun…"

"I'm sure you'll survive without this bit of fun." Was the monotone reply.

Charlie rose unsteadily to her feet as the booted foot was retracted. "Thank kami, Jessica. If you hadn't intervened I would have been killed" an emotional Charlie sobbed at her friend's feet.

"Don't misinterpret my reasoning. It is impossible to focus on reading Socrates with you screaming. And in case you've forgotten, last time I allowed this to continue the two of you got blood all over my Shakespeare. Those were first additions, and not easily replaced!"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get your panties in a bunch," mumbled Molly, irritated that her fun had been halted "and in case _you've_ forgotten we killed a collector and got you the original works of Euripides."

Their banter continued, and Charlie took this as her cue to exit stage left. Wait, left was the window, that didn't go too well last time. Stage right. Exercising great caution for if she were caught trying to escape the punishment would be worse than death Charlie began trying to walk silently toward the door.

Easier said than done.

She tripped on the forgotten pizza and was sent flying forward into the door, the doorknob connecting soundly with the flesh and bone between her forehead.

Why did god hate her?


	3. Welcome to the Batcave!

Charlie had never admitted defeat.

She was the type of person who ran until her legs gave out to prove to Pein that being short didn't make her slow. She was the type of person who was sent to Jessica to have a collapsed lung inflated because she engaged Hidan in a swearing contest. She was the type of person who spent almost a year trying to steal Kakuzu's wallet so she wouldn't have to pay gambling debts out of her own pocket. She was the type of person who attempted to remain submerged under water longer than Kisame.

Charlie was going to make an exception; because there was no way it was humanly possible to clean _that_. Her third of the room had deteriorated without her knowledge. As she looked around her she saw that neither Jessica's nor Molly's third of the room was even remotely as filthy as hers.

There was something wrong with the world.

To any outsider the sight inside the farthest room on the right side in the East Wing of the Akatsuki base would be bizarre. The room was divided into three even parts.

The part closest to the door was painted a majestic shade of royal blue. There sat a neatly made four poster bead upon which rested a medium sized fuzzy blue stuffed elephant, next to the bed was a small dresser of a light blue color. There were no decorations on that third, and the only other piece of furniture was a large blue recliner. It stood proudly in the corner. It was a shade of blue that couldn't quite decide if it wanted to be light or dark, and it was surrounded by stacks of books. Books organized by author, publish date, and some primitive form of the Dewy Decimal system.

The girl living in this portion of the room was nearly as blue as her surroundings.

Jessica Ross was a fifteen-year-old girl who tended to prefer the company of Charles Dickens than that of her female companions. She dressed in a simple pair of navy blue capri pants that hung low on her hips, hugging them tight and a baby blue sweater of velvet that had a modest v-neck that showed creamy skin, but nothing obscene. On her feet she had donned a pair of fuzzy blue elephant slippers.

She stood at the modest height of 5'6, she possessed straight light brown hair, with the exception of a single curl that could not be tamed and bounced in an unruly fashion in front of her face as she read, pale skin, and piercing brown eyes. Above her eyes rested a pair of eyebrows that were most often a raised position when they rested on her cohorts, and the left one had a mind of its own and often spastically twitched upward.

Though she possessed an intelligence that rivaled Pein's, she never left the base; content to remain the in-house medic for those would rather _not _got to Kakuzu for repairs. She was also the sane one of the three. If she could be considered sane.

The second portion of the room was painted a bloody red. In the center sat a generously sized king bed, furnished with black sheets and red throw pillows. Similarly to the third belonging to Jessica, this portion possessed few other pieces of furniture other than a simple black mahogany desk with a simple red stool sitting in front of it. Atop the desk sat a fire truck red laptop, the screen-saver of which danced with pictures of Hello Kitty. The only other thing in that third was a simple closet door, which no one would notice if they were not already aware of its existence. It was sunken into the wall, but its looks deceived it. It extended far holding more clothing than a sane person should posses.

The being occupying the second third was an odd one.

Molly-Anna Francesco, Molly to anyone who wished to live out their lived without images no man should see imprinted on their eyelids, was a fourteen-year-old who possessed the mindset of a perverted old man. She stood at 5'10, a height she loved to rub in the face of the short Charlie. She had long legs that helped her to be one of the fastest in the Akatsuki, and skin the color of milk chocolate. Once, she had had long hair, but after an incident with a straightening iron, she had taken a kunai and cropped it all as close as possible to the skull, leaving it a short, dark brown, curly bob cut. Her eyes were a bright hazel color that seemed to always gleam with the promise of some horrid perversion should some poor soul get on her bad side.

Many of the males in the Akatsuki had thought her a hooker to begin with, what with the way she dressed, but she soon rectified _that_ misunderstanding. Granted, she did dress like a call girl. She wore a black leather skirt that was so short it could barely be called a skirt, more of a handkerchief. Under said skirt she wore dark fishnet leggings, and boots. On top she had chosen a rich red silk strapless top that showed her neck and stomach. Often times, the entire Akatsuki would wonder, did the word _winter_ mean anything to her, for she wore gaudy outfits such as these no matter the weather.

The final third of a room, or what little was visible was a vibrant lime green color with splashes of whatever other color its current dweller could get her paws on. An undersized twin bed was sat with easy access to the window above it should an escape be needed, though Charlie was loathe to use it for her fear of heights. It was piled high with plushies organized by size, shape, type, preference, and color. The bed was crammed unceremoniously into the corner to allow room for the leaning, groaning bookshelves crammed with more manga than Molly and Jessica believed to be healthy. And a small corner had been cleared for Charlie's prized possessions—her video games.

Granted, at the current time, none of this was visible from beneath the pig sty of old food and drinks, mission scrolls, training devices, and more shit than Charlie new what to do with.

The inhabitant of the final third was something that any modern day zoo would kill to have.

Charlotte Misso, who had been dubbed 'Charlie' by her four older brothers before she entered the Akatsuki, was a thirteen-soon-to-be-fourteen-year-old teenager. She was the shortest of the lot standing barely 5'3, and she was sensitive to this fact. She was also the strongest of the three, though she didn't look it. She was the strangest midget that Akatsuki possessed, which was saying something considering Sasori had turned himself into a puppet. While Molly had skin the color of milk chocolate, Charlie was the color of milk. No matter how much time she spent in the sun, she remained a ghostly pale. Her hair was a pale gold color, and long too. It hung in a thick braid down the center of her back when she was training, but the rest of time, the best she could do was wrestle it into a messy ponytail that hung over one shoulder and covered one eye.

Her face was small, holding delicate features, and 'fucking perfect eyebrows' as Molly put it, that didn't fit her crass nature. Her eyes had freaked out every soul, except for Pein who probably didn't have one, in the Akatsuki when the three first arrived. One was a penetrating icy blue that reminded many of Deidara's. The other resembled the first to begin with, but the bottom half of the iris was a murky brown color. Within the first week Molly had made up more horrific stories about Charlie's eyes than she cared to remember, 'the truth is boring,' Molly had whined, and it was. Charlie had been born with the eye.

Charlie dressed like college frat boy meets teenage girl. On top she would wear a turtleneck shirt with sleeves that were too long, over that she would throw the first thing that fell on her when she woke up. Her shorts were nearly as short as Molly's skirt, but baggy and an almost mustard color. She hated shoes, she clamed they made her feel 'caged' so she always wrapped from her feet to her knees with bandages.

Charlie was the weird one.

AN: So? How do people like this story so far? I know this chapter was basically just a really long description of the room, but hey, you need to get to know my characters! So, Charlie is based on my older sister, whose birthday is coming up, Jessica is based on our beloved sempai who is ashamed to be seen in public with us, and Molly is yours truly! I hope people read this… Also, most chapters will _not_ be this long. Few of them will ever be more than 1000 words, and none will be less than 300.

RATE AND REVIEW! Flames will be dealt with harshly. If you have constructive criticism, it is welcome.


	4. Midnight Soiree

**A/N: I am back! I know the last chapter left much to be desired, so I hope this one makes up for it! It's been a while, but I was caught up in a production of **_**Nickolas Nickleby,**_** by Charles Dickens, then I had to worry about getting acceptances from the schools I applied to, and then my big math final, then graduation… Then summer break, then new schools… The list goes on. But I'm back, and that's what counts! Also, we will be adding another member to our band of weirdoes today, oh wait, no. I lied. That's the next chapter… Oh well, that nugget will keep you coming back!**

Molly had called an Akatsuki meeting. At four o'clock in the fucking morning. She was going down. Especially if Hidan had his way.

"Why the fuck are we having a meeting now! I need some fucking sleep you bitchy hag, and looking at that pile of shit you call a face is not going to give me pleasant fucking dreams!" The silver hair immortal lunged for the girls throat, swinging his scythe like a man possessed only to be knocked flat on his back by a foot in the face from the face from Kakuzu.

"Now that _that_ idiot has been taken care of, I have a piece of business to discuss with you all." Began Molly, her hands folded neatly on the table in front of her. "You may or may not be aware of this, but Charlie's birthday is approaching at a rapid rate, and Jessica and I need your help."

"With what, you psycho bitch?" muttered Hidan, only to receive a medical needle through his left eye. "Damn it! Why the fuck are all you fucking whores so fucking pissy?" He yanked the needle out of his eye and spat unceremoniously on the ground, the girls just rolled their eyes.

"Ignoring that unseemly outburst," began Jessica as the heel of a stiletto boot ground into the soft flesh between the ribs of an immortal, leaving many wondering when Molly got so flexible, "while we are coming to you today to _request_ your assistance in this matter, but do not delude yourselves into believing that you have _any choice_ in your involvement in this affair."

The stony silence that met her words was broken by a cough from everyone's favorite body piercing ad. Pein rose.

"I believe we should humor the girls. This could be a good experience for all of you, I have noticed some tension between the members as of late, and this could help fix it."

"Hear hear!" cried Molly, surreptitiously attempting to cop a feel at her leaders rump only to find her wrist being held in a death grip by a paper arm. Glancing up, she grinned sheepishly at Conan.

Casting a disapproving look in Molly's direction, Jessica began speaking again. "Thank you Pein-sama. As Molly and I were saying, we have plans for Charlie's birthday, but they require your cooperation. The party will obviously be a surprise which shouldn't be too difficult seeing as Charlie may be the most oblivious person ever, but _should_ she find out, I guarantee you we will find out who told her."

Deciding that Jessica had sufficiently terrified the criminals into silence, Molly took over the conversation. "There will be no particular theme to the party, but there will be the usual requirements. A cake for one," she paused to look around before hastily adding, "I will be taking care of all foods, assuming as no one wants to poison the birthday girl? Jessica is in charge of presents, each of you is required to give a gift—"

"What the fuck? When has the little bitch done shit for us?" So much for silence.

"—and you will run them by Jessica to ensure that they are appropriate. Conan is in charge of decorations, and the rest of you," she waved a dismissive hand at the lot "and manual labor."

As the group rose to return to their respective beds, Molly called out from the hall; "And we have a visitor arriving tomorrow, don't let his appearance fool you. Mess with him and he will kill you."

And with the promise of death hanging over them all, the Akatsuki went to bed.


End file.
